Thursday, June 7, 2012


This is me....without the guy in the robe
Bless me bloggers for I have sinned,
It's been nearly one month since my last blog and people, I have not been a good girl....ok well wait, back it up. I have not been AWFUL. I just have not been diligent nor smart in my time away.Some of the new things I have learned about weight loss and calories have the fact that one piece of bacon can have upwards of 100 calories in piece, but other promises i made myself have kinda....flew the coop. I blame a few things...#1 me. I am the least consistent person in the world...I am trying to fix that. I am trying not to get distracted by shiny objects. It's a work in progress. Be patient with me. I also blame little league baseball. My son (bragging mom alert) made the Mosquito AAA team ( GO BUDDY GO) and since then I have been travelling and meeting and hauling and working to try to pay for all this travelling and hauling. On the road equals non healthy eating and no time or energy for exercise. I have implemented a new exercise regime, which kicks my butt btw, and doesn't take that long. I don't know if the claims are verified but I will post the "Pinterest" pin that led me to  this workout. I do one round of it, some weights, some ab work some lunges and squats (ugh) and then another round. By that time I am begging for death and sweating in places i didn't know sweated....did you know your knee caps and earlobes can sweat....I didn't. I attribute the lack of weight gain during my bad eating time to this workout and therefore intend on keeping it up. The last culprit of my bad girl month is the warm weather, which reminds me of clinking ice cubes, which reminded me of how much I love me a gin and tonic in the evening. I drink diet tonic so this should be fine....right. MOPE. One or two of these reminds me that I also like snacks in the evening, which leads me into pressuring my husband into making me something delicious, which leads to me eating and drinking between 300 to 1000 calories extra RIGHT BEFORE BED!!!! GAWD JESSICA!!! You know better. So anyway, the fact of the matter is I am getting back on track which means becoming accountable again, which means you shall be seeing much more of me soon....I hope. No you will, I promise....oh shit I promised, now I have to.
Up to date, here is my results.

Since my last blog 3 and a half weeks ago, I have lost 2 lbs and one inch of my boobs. That's it. No other losses, no other gains....just smaller boobies and a few pounds gone....sigh. I'll see you in a week.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I'm late, I'm late....or...I think I can I think I can....

Look it's me after hour 11....NOT!
So techinically it's Tursday but in my defense I worked a 12 hour waitressing shift yesterday and could seriously give a s**t about blogging my results this week. Not that they are terrible, they are completely acceptable, just not important enough to take time away from know....not being at work, to share....but it's all good. I'm here...I'm updating...god get off my back. I like to pretend that you are all (both of you) waiting with baited breath for my every update. It makes me feel important...just let me have this ok?
So this week I kept up with the cardio...and it losses on the upper half but stuff happening down below. Hmmmm....that doesn't sound good. Let's rephrase that. Stuffs going down, below the belt. Nope, that is sooooo not better. Let's just get to the numbers shall we.
Weight; -1 lb for a grand total of 11.5 lbs. Love it.
Chest and Waist....nothing. Sigh....I mean yay about the ladies....but i need some losses "in ma bell-ay"....make sure you read that with a scottish accent.
Hips: - 1 inch....woot to the mutha effin woot....bout time,
Tushy: - 1 too. Get gone would ya....but not too much. My baby likes a lil junk in my trunk....
Thighs: -1 inch. Yup....soon there will be daylight happening between them.

Me while working out....also NOT! My
track suit is purple....
All in all...good stuff....good stuff. Not great....but good. My research goal this week is toning excercises, targeting certain spots....specifically, my inner thighs which still smoosh together and I fear are going to cause a fire if I wear courderoys, purely from the way they rub .Secondly my bat wings or "bingo arms" as one co-worker so kindly called them. I wanna lose those....they are yucky. As I lose weight, they appear to be getting saggy-er...muscle on top....flap flap flappin in the breeze on the bottom. Next week I might (MIGHT) start posting body pics.....or I might wuss out and put amusing cartoon pictures of people working out....who knows.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Green Tea, where have you been all my life?

So I have been claiming for 2 weeks now that I was gonna look into this Green Tea stuff, and I have been, i just wanted to make sure I had a well rounded and honest perspective on this stuff because quite frankly Green Tea sounded too good to be true. But guess what's not. It's true.
So lets break it down Jessica style so we can all understand the big words together.....mmmmkay.

It just looks zen...doesn't it?
The Benefits:
  • Green tea has been purported to reduce the risk of certain cancers ( skin, breast, lung, colon and esophageal to name a few)
  • assist in treating rheumatoid arthritis
  • lower cholesterol
  • reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease
  • fight infection
  • prevent tooth decay
  • aid in weight loss
  • save children from a burning building

OK that last one might not be (definitely is not) true, however technically I'm sure if you had enough green tea, you could probably put the fire out long enough to get the kids out....just sayin.

Anyway, so those are just some of the claims Green Tea drinking has made. There are more but they get ridiculous after awhile. But here's the thing guys, all have been proven...true story.

How does it work?
Green tea contains this wonderful thing called catechin polyphenols, particularly epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG). I love these unpronounceable words that sound so damn important. So this EGCG stuff is a powerful anti-oxidant and as we all know anti-oxidants do good things, like  inhibiting the growth of cancer cells and killing cancer cells without harming healthy tissue. It's a cancer hit man that knows how to avoid civilians....we like this.

Green tea works different then black teas and most others because of the way it is prepared.
Green tea leaves are steamed, which prevents the EGCG compound from being oxidized unlike other teas which are fermented before being made into a tea.
Plus there is ALL kinds of scientific studies. So many little rats are now walking around ass-cancer free thanks to the miracles of green tea.As for the infection fighting and tooth decay helping, green tea has bacteria fighting components in it that can aid in killing mouth bacteria and even helping to prevent food poisoning...WHOO HOO i can go back to eating at Greasy Sals!
On to weight loss....well the jury is kinda out on that one....but not really. See anti-oxidants and caffeine are both proven to assist in weigh loss to an extent. The polyphenols mixed with the caffeine induce thermogenesis which in turn boosts your metabolic rate...but only slightly (like 4%) That is to say it will assist somewhat(about 70 to 80 extra calories burned a day) but if you were expecting the pounds to melt away without doing anything else, you wold be one very disappointed tea drinker. It works out to about 8 lbs a year you would burn...and i thought my process was taking awhile.

In my research i discovered other neat little things that green tea can do for you, such as studies are being done to prove it's effectiveness on people with depression and German doctors have been using a green tea solution on people with skin damage from radiation treatments and it has been showing positive results. Also it's apparently good for tightening your gums (i had no idea loose gums were a problem) and hair strengthening and possibly most importantly as a de-intoxifier (drink it the morning after and it will help with a hangover). There isn't nearly as much proof on this stuff as the others but hell, since you are already drinking it now, look at all the other good stuff!

The Negative Side
There isn't one....not really. There is a few concerns about caffeine overdose, but
green tea contains less caffeine than coffee about thirty to sixty mg of caffeine in green tea to 100 mg in coffee. Also there is some proof that green tea can get in the way of some mineral and medication absorbtion (mainly iron) so it isn't reccomended for anemic people and it is suggested that you do not take it within 2 hrs of certain medicines...but some medicines you cant have milk either so.....It's also not reccomended for pregnant women because of the caffeine and the risk of neural tube birh defects...i dunno what those are, but like everything else good in the world, avoid green tea until after the baby comes out.
My only real problem with all this is the fact that for any of these benefits to happen, you need to drink a minumum of 4 cups a day, preferrably 5 or 6 with some studies suggesting upwards of 10. 10 cups a day? where are you people finding the time to brew 10 cups a day? Especially considering how many trips to the bathroom you must be making. Also, I dont love the taste...It's not awful but it's not wonderful either. ButI am working on it....hopefully i will find my perfect brew.
How to take it.

Well, it's like this. For maximum benefits, you need to actually drink the tea. Some supplements and capsules are good but you have to really look into it. Some have uneccesary ingrediants, some don't have enough extract, some haven't extracted it right....when buying green tea in capsule form check the ingrediants, mainly looking for alot of unnatural ingrediants, pretty much anything ending in the word -ose (sugars) and you want a high level of catechins. Over 60 mg for sure, aim for 70-90 mg for maximum benefits. Same goes for the tea bags. You are gonna start losing effectiveness once processing starts occurring. Opt for loose green tea (bulk barn has it and its cheap too) and avoid the flavored stuff. Brew a cup of hot but not boiling water pour it over the tea bag or leaves and let it steep for about 3 min and take the bag out. Scientists found that  milk proteins called caseins decrease the catechins in the tea so therefore to reap any of the benefits, it's gotta be milk and cream free. If possible use honey instead of sugar to sweeten it, especially over white sugar. White sugar is evil and should be avoided at all costs....that is an blog for another day Honey has a whole slew of health benefits that I will DEFINITELY blog on in the near future. Sit back, relax and enjoy your tenth cup of tea today. Oh and one last thing...the iced green teas you can buy in the stores usually contain about 1/8 of the good stuff so read your labels...if it's full of fake sugars and low levels of catechins, your better off grabbing a water.
That's it for now folks. Happy Tea Drinking

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

A Perfect 10 (and a half) or Boys Suck

Pretend that's me
It is Wednesday (for those of you who didn't know) which means its weigh in day....YAY. I actually have some good news this week but i have contracted some sort of Ebola or possibly a or the other..... and therefore am so not my usual animated self. You may be able to tell by the lack of capitol letters I am using (not using) and there will be much less exclamation marks....but rest assured I am excited and happy......wheeeeeeee.
Ok so, the increased cardio is happening for real. I feel much more confident that I am burning fat when the sweat is pooling in my bra like my own personal (and disgusting) hot tub. I am learning to hate it less, but I cannot love it...not yet. Give me some more time and we shall talk. Unfortunately with this cold(Ebola) i am avoiding any kind of heart pumping activities because they make me cough to the point of puking...not fun. (though probably good for the weight loss) so today was a no go but with luck, my lungs will be back to themselves soon. My husband hopes so too...wink.
Anyway, the results are in. The audience has voted and the computer has tabulated that:
Weight: -2.5 lbs....for a grand total of -10.5 lbs. Whoo hoo!
There was literally NO changes anywhere else this week, but I have a sneaking suspicion that in about 3 or 4 days that will change, as well my mood will improve, my cravings for salt and chocolate will decrease and I will be making a trip to the drugstore for feminine that point maybe the water retention will disappear and there will be some more losses to report....i just happy that I broke the 10 lb mark officially...that's good sh*t.
This is also me....but with less facial hair
So as the title suggests, boys suck....and here's why. Last week my loving husband commented on my weight loss and stamina/sticktoitness and told me how proud he was and impressed and all that jazz. (he's a keeper) Then the sweetheart tells me that I have inspired him to kick up his regime (which he doesn't have) and start eating healthier etc. Today he tells me proudly that he has lost about 5 to 7 lbs....this week. I proceeded to punch him in the face and finish my salad. Ok so i didn't punch him....but man I wanted to ....5 to 7 a week....of doing ....what? Walking a little more at lunch and drinking more water and less beer.....are you effing kidding me? So that is why boys suck. Because apparently they just have to think about losing weight and it melts right off of them....soooooo not fair.

Ok it's time for neocitrin and my bed. I will keep you posted though....not on my husbands weight loss....just mine. He can start his own damn blog.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Time to kick it up a notch or PLATEAU OH NO!

Le sigh. Hi ya''s that time again. After last weeks pound triumph I had hoped that I would be able to bring you more excitement and losses....Alas I am not. Don't get me wrong, I don't come bearing bad news....per se. I come news. I lost nothing weight wise...not even a half pound....i lost half an inch off my waist and maybe a half off my hips....but i think that's being generous....I think I may have already reached the dreaded plateau.....
Jillian Micheals....she tell sme what to do and how to do it
So all of my friends who diet, exercise, jump on fad bandwagons, talk about THE PLATEAU. That moment where even though you are doing all the good stuff, nothing is happening. No inches, no pounds...just...flat line.... So what does one do at this point. Some may give up....some may resort to drastic measures (i mean cheesecake or liposuction....both pretty damn drastic.) What are you doing Jess? you may ask....I don't care if you are asking or not, I'm answering the damn question because it's my blog and I will do what I want. So for everyone except that b**ch who doesn't care what I am doing, I have changed it up. I've gotten comfortable with my yoga burn workout and while I still sweat and strain, I'm not pushing myself anymore...and as Jillian Micheal's says just past the halfway point of my workout, "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable!" (it's adorable that my eleven year old will hear this from the other room and be like "You're half way Mom, keep going!" Couldn't you just eat him up.....don't though.....damn cannibals)
Well....I look better in a leotard than these guys.....
So I am kicking it up a notch (as the title of this post would suggest)  by incorporating the Elliptical into my yoga burn routine. I do 100 calories on the elliptical (approx 6 min) then hit up some yoga moves, crunches, then back on the elliptical for another 100-150 calories. Back to some more yoga and crunches then finish with a stretch cool down....this process took about 30 min today and I sweat like a pig but was interrupted before I felt totally drained so I took a break and then hopped back on the elliptical and did the whole thing over again....I blame the vitamins...I was smart and moved the elliptical into the living room and caught up on my favorite shows which was distracting enough that I didn't wish for death the whole time....just part of it. At any rate, I don't know if I can keep up the double work out ( though it would give me an excuse to catch up on all the shows I have been missing) but this is the new plan....I gotta surprise my fat cells. You think you know whats going on lil fat cells.....hahahaha eff you! Imma mess you up good.

Yup....them's fat cells....they scared!

So I'll see ya in a week....maybe sooner if I get that Green Tea research finished. It's been a busy week folks....If someone wants to start paying me for the research I will gladly quit my job and devote all my time to researching whatever the hell you want me to.....any Fine....see ya in a week.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Now that's more like it!...or the Second coming of diet and excercise

This was me this morning...but chunkier.
I say good day to you my readers (both of you). It's weigh in day...and I am in a FAN-EFFING-TASTIC mood. I have no excuses for you, I have no oopsies for you, I have only good news. KICK ASS! Let's get right down to it shall we....

Weight: -3lbs....yup...3 lbs down in one week. Boo-yah! Total loss: 8lbs!
Chest: -(sigh).5 for a total of 3.5 inches lost. My hubby promises me it's not from the ladies but more from the backal (it's a word) area. I choose to take his comments as truth....
waist: -.5 for t total inches lost of 4 inches....schweet
hips: -.5 for a total inches lost of 2.5....I'll take it....but i wish those bi**hes would melt faster
Tookus: -.5 for a total of 3 inches lost....oh no there goes my J-Jo booty....bahahaha
Thighs: -.5 for a total  loss of 3.5...c'mon baby...i wanna see daylight through them soon.

So hellz ya to all that. Pounds and inches down all over, nothing overly strenuous done, same caloric intake as before but with less cheating and same exercise regimes as before but with less breaks....and only one real drinking with the girls night (and Monday night wine night but that doesn't count....nuh it doesn' it doesn't no it doesn't no it doesn't) Anyway i am pleased as freakin punch with this week and it has renewed my hope that this is really the right way to do this....I love it. By my birthday in June I hope to  have lost 20 lbs and about 4 more inches of my waist, 3 off my hips 3 off my but and 2 off my thighs.....and the best part is that this appears to be totally attainable....GO TEAM JESS!!!! I'm still doing major research on the benefits of green tea so hopefully some time this week I will post the results of that too.
This will be me if the pounds keep disappearing....but less square

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Mini Eggs and Gummy Bunnies and weight gain

So I had prepared myself for the worst today because , not gonna lie folks, I had SUCKED at my regime this royally sucked. And it was a long weekend so its not even like there was 2 days of misbehaving and then bam, back on track....nope, I went full throttle bi**hes. Thursday, Girls night in.....major alcohol, major munchies....we are talking like probably double my daily caloric intake in the 4 short hours I was at my girlfriends house. There was a dip that one of the girls made that was so ridiculously fattening she wouldn't even tell us what was in know that's a bad sign.

Meet The B2 Pickler....then cry
Friday night. Well lord knows after Thursday, I was in no mood to work out so pllbbbttt to that and then we had company for my hubby's birthday. Company that we went to dinner with, where I ate one of the biggest burgers ever created....smothered in 2 kinds of cheese and a southwest mayo that should be banned. Did I mention the deep fried pickle spears and two jugs of draft that went with this. But oh no, it didn't stop there. We went back to my place for wine, and cheese and chips and dip and WINGS! WINGS!!! Seriously Jessica?
Saturday I was a good girl. The guilt I felt was tremendous so I ate well, drank lots of water (more out of necessity...2 days of drinking makes a pasty pasty girl) and even hit up the gym at work for some heavy duty treadmill time. Then the Easter Bunny came.
Buffets, Easter dinner, birthday cake, CHEESECAKE and``s everywhere man. I cant stop....i walk into a room and there is chocolate eggs, next room is gummy bunnies, next room is jelly beans....MAKE THE INSANITY STOP. Oh yeah and btw, it`s that time of the month. I didn`t stand a chance folks.
So the results of my weekly weigh in are rough to say the least, down right depressing to say more than the least. It coulda been worse. I coulda fell of the wagon and drank a bottle of wine the whole way down (remember i could still just say eff it, i like being fluffy) but I will not. I will take this bump (giant pothole) in my road with a grain of salt (somebody please explain that expression to me) and carry on my wayward son. Next week, there will be results....positive ones.

So here is is:
Weight: +1.5...sigh
Chest -1.5....thank you mother could have left the ladies alone. Total: -3
waist -.5 (i`ll take it) Total: -3.5
Hips: Nada Total:2
Tushy: Nada Total:2.5
Thighs: Nada Total 3 coulda been worse....shoulda been better, but coulda been worse. I also started a vitamin supplement.It`s called Vital 1 from the superstore, it was about 6.97 for a 3 mth supply and has a bunch of vitamins I could use like iron, c, d, e, b1,2,3,6,12 as well as chromium and green tea. For those of you that read it, chromium is one of the active ingredients in the pink drink and i believe, though didn't research it yet, that green tea supposedly stimulates your metabolism and gives you energy...perhaps that will be my next investigative See ya`ll in a week...wish me luck.