Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Time to kick it up a notch or PLATEAU OH NO!

Le sigh. Hi ya''s that time again. After last weeks pound triumph I had hoped that I would be able to bring you more excitement and losses....Alas I am not. Don't get me wrong, I don't come bearing bad news....per se. I come news. I lost nothing weight wise...not even a half pound....i lost half an inch off my waist and maybe a half off my hips....but i think that's being generous....I think I may have already reached the dreaded plateau.....
Jillian Micheals....she tell sme what to do and how to do it
So all of my friends who diet, exercise, jump on fad bandwagons, talk about THE PLATEAU. That moment where even though you are doing all the good stuff, nothing is happening. No inches, no pounds...just...flat line.... So what does one do at this point. Some may give up....some may resort to drastic measures (i mean cheesecake or liposuction....both pretty damn drastic.) What are you doing Jess? you may ask....I don't care if you are asking or not, I'm answering the damn question because it's my blog and I will do what I want. So for everyone except that b**ch who doesn't care what I am doing, I have changed it up. I've gotten comfortable with my yoga burn workout and while I still sweat and strain, I'm not pushing myself anymore...and as Jillian Micheal's says just past the halfway point of my workout, "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable!" (it's adorable that my eleven year old will hear this from the other room and be like "You're half way Mom, keep going!" Couldn't you just eat him up.....don't though.....damn cannibals)
Well....I look better in a leotard than these guys.....
So I am kicking it up a notch (as the title of this post would suggest)  by incorporating the Elliptical into my yoga burn routine. I do 100 calories on the elliptical (approx 6 min) then hit up some yoga moves, crunches, then back on the elliptical for another 100-150 calories. Back to some more yoga and crunches then finish with a stretch cool down....this process took about 30 min today and I sweat like a pig but was interrupted before I felt totally drained so I took a break and then hopped back on the elliptical and did the whole thing over again....I blame the vitamins...I was smart and moved the elliptical into the living room and caught up on my favorite shows which was distracting enough that I didn't wish for death the whole time....just part of it. At any rate, I don't know if I can keep up the double work out ( though it would give me an excuse to catch up on all the shows I have been missing) but this is the new plan....I gotta surprise my fat cells. You think you know whats going on lil fat cells.....hahahaha eff you! Imma mess you up good.

Yup....them's fat cells....they scared!

So I'll see ya in a week....maybe sooner if I get that Green Tea research finished. It's been a busy week folks....If someone wants to start paying me for the research I will gladly quit my job and devote all my time to researching whatever the hell you want me to.....any Fine....see ya in a week.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Now that's more like it!...or the Second coming of diet and excercise

This was me this morning...but chunkier.
I say good day to you my readers (both of you). It's weigh in day...and I am in a FAN-EFFING-TASTIC mood. I have no excuses for you, I have no oopsies for you, I have only good news. KICK ASS! Let's get right down to it shall we....

Weight: -3lbs....yup...3 lbs down in one week. Boo-yah! Total loss: 8lbs!
Chest: -(sigh).5 for a total of 3.5 inches lost. My hubby promises me it's not from the ladies but more from the backal (it's a word) area. I choose to take his comments as truth....
waist: -.5 for t total inches lost of 4 inches....schweet
hips: -.5 for a total inches lost of 2.5....I'll take it....but i wish those bi**hes would melt faster
Tookus: -.5 for a total of 3 inches lost....oh no there goes my J-Jo booty....bahahaha
Thighs: -.5 for a total  loss of 3.5...c'mon baby...i wanna see daylight through them soon.

So hellz ya to all that. Pounds and inches down all over, nothing overly strenuous done, same caloric intake as before but with less cheating and same exercise regimes as before but with less breaks....and only one real drinking with the girls night (and Monday night wine night but that doesn't count....nuh it doesn' it doesn't no it doesn't no it doesn't) Anyway i am pleased as freakin punch with this week and it has renewed my hope that this is really the right way to do this....I love it. By my birthday in June I hope to  have lost 20 lbs and about 4 more inches of my waist, 3 off my hips 3 off my but and 2 off my thighs.....and the best part is that this appears to be totally attainable....GO TEAM JESS!!!! I'm still doing major research on the benefits of green tea so hopefully some time this week I will post the results of that too.
This will be me if the pounds keep disappearing....but less square

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Mini Eggs and Gummy Bunnies and weight gain

So I had prepared myself for the worst today because , not gonna lie folks, I had SUCKED at my regime this royally sucked. And it was a long weekend so its not even like there was 2 days of misbehaving and then bam, back on track....nope, I went full throttle bi**hes. Thursday, Girls night in.....major alcohol, major munchies....we are talking like probably double my daily caloric intake in the 4 short hours I was at my girlfriends house. There was a dip that one of the girls made that was so ridiculously fattening she wouldn't even tell us what was in know that's a bad sign.

Meet The B2 Pickler....then cry
Friday night. Well lord knows after Thursday, I was in no mood to work out so pllbbbttt to that and then we had company for my hubby's birthday. Company that we went to dinner with, where I ate one of the biggest burgers ever created....smothered in 2 kinds of cheese and a southwest mayo that should be banned. Did I mention the deep fried pickle spears and two jugs of draft that went with this. But oh no, it didn't stop there. We went back to my place for wine, and cheese and chips and dip and WINGS! WINGS!!! Seriously Jessica?
Saturday I was a good girl. The guilt I felt was tremendous so I ate well, drank lots of water (more out of necessity...2 days of drinking makes a pasty pasty girl) and even hit up the gym at work for some heavy duty treadmill time. Then the Easter Bunny came.
Buffets, Easter dinner, birthday cake, CHEESECAKE and``s everywhere man. I cant stop....i walk into a room and there is chocolate eggs, next room is gummy bunnies, next room is jelly beans....MAKE THE INSANITY STOP. Oh yeah and btw, it`s that time of the month. I didn`t stand a chance folks.
So the results of my weekly weigh in are rough to say the least, down right depressing to say more than the least. It coulda been worse. I coulda fell of the wagon and drank a bottle of wine the whole way down (remember i could still just say eff it, i like being fluffy) but I will not. I will take this bump (giant pothole) in my road with a grain of salt (somebody please explain that expression to me) and carry on my wayward son. Next week, there will be results....positive ones.

So here is is:
Weight: +1.5...sigh
Chest -1.5....thank you mother could have left the ladies alone. Total: -3
waist -.5 (i`ll take it) Total: -3.5
Hips: Nada Total:2
Tushy: Nada Total:2.5
Thighs: Nada Total 3 coulda been worse....shoulda been better, but coulda been worse. I also started a vitamin supplement.It`s called Vital 1 from the superstore, it was about 6.97 for a 3 mth supply and has a bunch of vitamins I could use like iron, c, d, e, b1,2,3,6,12 as well as chromium and green tea. For those of you that read it, chromium is one of the active ingredients in the pink drink and i believe, though didn't research it yet, that green tea supposedly stimulates your metabolism and gives you energy...perhaps that will be my next investigative See ya`ll in a week...wish me luck.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Apple Cider Vinegar and YOU!....and possibly me.

So my post about the pink drink was really well received and it inspired me to follow up with some of these other weight loss methods and see if there was a supplement out there that were worthy of  my (and possibly yours my faithful followers) time, energy and health. Today after a suggestion from a friend I decided to look into Apple Cider Vinegar. I remember years ago when I was a wee teenager, my mother coming home with a bottle of this stuff and some caplets from the health food store. She explained to me at that time that they were to help ease water retention and therefore shed some water weight but then, I made the bad decision to smell the stuff never did make it past my lips. That stuff is NASTY! But I digress, after scanning the Internet for awhile and compiling what I could, here is the results.

The Claims: 

Apple cider vinegar is stated to work as an appetite satieatier (calmer downer in idiot terms) and suppressor of fat accumulation. Claims are also made that it helps with everything from acne to chronic fatigue, from sore throats to arthritis. Hell it'll apparently help you with a good old fashioned case of the gout. My god, why is the whole world not taking this's a miracle I tells ya, a miracle....however,....did ya smell it yet?  "Proponents claim that consuming apple cider vinegar before a meal can help suppress your appetite, speed up your metabolism, prevent bloating and keep your blood sugar in check." (source:

The science behind it:

Acetic acid is a byproduct of the fermentation process that makes apple cider vinegar. Ahhhh fermentation...also makes a good wine......oops, sorry, got distracted, back to the cider (which is no where near as delicious or good smelling as wine....just saying) In studies that found some noticeable weight loss in people and mice (damn fat mice) it was theorized that the acetic acid may prevent the buildup of body fat by activating the genes involved in breaking down fats. It also works to regulate the glucose release, which in turn lowers the amount of insulin released into the blood system. Whats that you say sonny?
Insulin is a big ol' fat storer and therefore if there is excess amounts of insulin, your body will store fat even if you reduce your calories. Acetic acid helps to stop that. We think. Basically, acetic acid switches off the fat storing gene and regulates glucose metabolism. Yay vinegar...oh ya, did I mention that all vinegar has acetic acid...its what makes it sour. Certain vinegars have lower levels and cider vinegar seems to have a higher one. White vinegar has a higher level as well.
Also some studies have indicated an increase in metabolic rate which in turn would burn more calories, as well as the fact that it aids in digestion. The site that stated this didn't offer any proof or studies, but did offer some vague explanation why it might work. If your interested, feel free to visit


Research, we don't need no stinking research...

Mice on diets...?
Uhhhh....ya we do. Back in 2005 there was a study of 12 people that determined that those who ate a piece of bread along with small amounts of white vinegar felt fuller and more satisfied than those who just ate the bread.  Another study was done in 2009, found that obese people who consumed acetic acid daily for 12 weeks experienced significant decreases in body weight, waist circumference, and and abdominal fat. In another test on mice,(because apparently those fat bastards need some help)  they established that acetic acid may help prevent the buildup of body fat and certain liver fats. They did not, btw, specify if it was apple cider vinegar or another kind. There is a surprising amount of various vinegars out there fyi. So there have been studies done, and there have been positive results, however each site that I researched agreed that more studies would have to be done to state that there is an ABSOLUTE link to vinegar and weight loss.

So what's the bad news?

Who would want to burn something so cute...
Well lets look at how many times I said acetic and acid up there....I'm not counting, but I'm gonna guess enough that you all came to the same conclusion that I did and acknowledge that this, my dear friends, is a form of acid. Acid burns. Undiluted vinegar (apple cider, malt, white or whichever else you fancy) can cause damage to the esophagus and digestive tract. It can also wear away at tooth enamel and lower your potassium levels which interferes with bone density. Lastly while there is some proof to the studies, it's not stating that any of the weight loss is impressive. Comparably, it ranks right up there with someone who increases their exercises levels slightly and adjust their eating habits to a more healthy, Canada's food guide kinda diet...EVERY site I searched summed it up in basically the same way. If you are going to use it, use it as a supplement only in an already established regime of sustainable healthy diet and exercises.

In conclusion:

There does seem to be some health benefits to it and since I don't plan on drinking it undiluted, I am not overly concerned about my esophagus, therefore I am considering adding it to my regime....maybe....I don't know that I will be going with the apple cider vinegar though because I cannot stress enough how gawd-durn bad that stuff smells. It's like feet....seriously. And unfortunately the only sites that promoted vinegar therapy in pill form were the sites trying to sell it. All other health food sites and alternative medicine sites said the same thing. The pills were ineffective and didn't contain the necessary active components, therefore were just a big waste of your hard earned money. There really is no easy way out is there? If I decide to (and can stomach) the apple cider vinegar diet which consist of 2 to 3 tsp before each meal, I will let you know and then we can all follow together to see if it helps me.
Look, it's me, being helped by vinegar...yay me!!!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

It's a twofer today....Damn Damn damn

So its weigh in day....damnit. I knew my weekend wasnt beneficial but damn it's depressing when you dont see results. Especially for all the other days that you did try and do what u are supposed to....this will be a short one since my Plexus Slim review took up most of my And I am now depressed so I don't wanna be entertaining anymore. My only consolation is that I am pmsing and perhaps bloating....sigh.
weight. -.5lbs for a total after 4 weeks of 6.5 (blah)
chest +.5inches (thats your fault pms)
stomach: no change
hips: -.5inches
ass: no change
thighs: no change
 Damn damn damn. Oh well, lesson hopefully learned. Except for the fact that it's easter weekend and we have a "girls night in" scheduled and family coming to visit and easter supper.....look for gains next week folks....but I am gonna try my damndest to make sure that doesnt happen. Happy Easter Weekend all.

The Pink Drink Phenom

So everybody in the world (and by the world I mean my world and by my world I mean facebook....lets cut the crap) is talking about this new weightloss miracle "Plexus Slim" or "the pink drink" (which is not, to the chagrin of a friend of mine, Pepto Bismol).

 From the website Plexus Slim is "an all natural way to lose weight" by adding one "stick to a bottle of water, shake and drink." The page also claims to "help keep blood sugar and cholesterol down."

When used as part of a daily hydration regimen (1 stick pack per day), Plexus Slim promotes:
  • Loss of weight and inches by burning fat, not muscle
  • Healthy blood sugar levels
  • Healthy cholesterol and lipid levels
  • Healthy will power over food choices
  • Free radical scavenging (reduces oxidative stress)
Plexus Slim is:
  • Safe, non-stimulatory and non-thermogenic
  • Diabetic friendly

Oh and by the way, if you like it that much, you can become an "ambassador"(i.e. salesperson) and earn money while you lose weight."
Now, I consider myself fairly open minded. Having said that, I am also not interested in investing time, money (quite a fair chunk might I add) and my health into something based on a few testimonials from people who just started it. Soooooo I did my there is alot big words out there....and then I dumbed it down so I could understand it. This is what I it's learned..this will also be a long one grab a coffee and come back if you'd like....I'll wait. Lastly, if you want to just skip to the bottom, I break it down fairly quick in the conclusion. But don't be so damn lazy, just read it.....GAWD!


Raise your hand if you understand more than 2 of those words....anyone? Yup, me either. So let's dumb it down

POLYDEXTROSE: Polydextrose is an indigestible synthetic polymer of glucose. Basically it's a man made sugar substitue that is high in fiber. Being high in fiber it can help....ummmm....clear things out. (make ya poop)
CITRIC ACID: It is a natural preservative/conservative and is also used to add an acidic, or sour, taste to foods and soft drinks. Probably used in this to give it flavor...also does contain the same properties as lemon juice, so it's safe to assume there is vitamin c in there.
NATURAL FLAVORS; Beware of natural flavors. I found this awesome quote "Natural flavor is a man-made additive, and it makes processed food and fast food taste outstanding. It’s not the only additive that flavors our (processed and fast) food, but it sure does a great job. So-called natural flavor is produced in laboratories to give flavor to processed foods that lose almost all flavor through the processes of freezing, dehydrating, and canning. It is made from infinitesimal amounts of chemicals, or more so a collection of gases." Aint nothin natural about that. Also for the record, castoreum is a natural comes from the beavers sex gland....chew on that for awhile. Beaver sex flavor....yummy.
BEET ROOT & GRAPE SKIN EXTRACT: I searched around and found some proof that grape skin is somewhat of an antioxidant, but when they combine the two the way they did in the list, it is more likely that they are in there as a natural food coloring. No weight loss effects that I can find. It's what makes the pink drink pink.
STEVIA EXTRACT: This is another all natural sweetner that has been touch and go with health canada. There is no proven side effect, good or bad, in using this. There is also no proven or even suggested weight loss applications for this except that it makes things taste sweeter, therefore more delicious, without using sugar.
LO HAN EXTRACT: Thank god this is not an additive extracted from Lindsay Lohan....though that might help with weight loss....i hear crack is a great deterrant from eating and lord knows that girls blood is laced with something....oh snap, did I go there? Yes I did. But no really, it's another sweetner. This time from a fruit as opposed to a plant like stevia, but other than that, nothing healthy or weightlossy (shut up that's a word) about it.
CHLOROGENIC ACID: "Chlorogenic acid, an ester of caffeic acid and quinic acid, is a major phenolic compound in coffee, but is also found widespread in plants and can be isolated from the leaves and fruit. This compound, long known as an antioxidant, also slows the release of glucose into the bloodstream after a meal. "(source . So this would be an natural antioxidant which is good for cleaning up the blood stream and such which I am assuming is why this was first being studied as a drink to assist in diabetes. So this is good stuff....unfortunately its lower on the list of ingredients which means it is a smaller amount then everything above it.
CITRIN K : This compound has been associated with gradual decrease in body fat, nutritionally supporting healthy cholesterol levels, and suppressing hunger cravings frequently. Thats a quote from another weightloss supplement site
you dont need to go there or anything, i just dont want any copyright So thats the good stuff. However after looking into it, i saw some scary stuff about how it was linked to liver damage and muscle damage, as well a couple of sites suggested that putting green tea in instead would have the same results with out the negative side effects.
ALPHA LIPOIC ACID: Out of all the ingredients listed this one impressed me the most...unfortunate that it is so far down on the list...according to wikipedia this acid has the potential too:
Prevent organ dysfunction (take that citrin k), treat or prevent cardiovascular disease, reduce inflammation, prevent or slow Alzheimers, prevent erectile dysfunction (active component in the little blue pill maybe?) and a bunch of other beneficial stuff. It is essentially an antioxidant.
OXYPREGNANE STEROIDAL GLYCOSIDE: Back to the liver damage....this is the active component in the Hoodia cactus which is widely sold as a proven appetite also caused liver failure and damage to animals...though apparently it was injected into thier brains. So whatever you do, don't do that. It's also stated that it has a low bioavailability score and high elimination rate which basically means your body doesn't asorb this well and therefore you poop and pee most the good stuff out.
CHROMIUM: For those of you who watched Erin Brokivich, don't worry...we aren't talking (I seriously seriously hope) about the toxic stuff in the water ( I hope). We are talking about the mineral that all humans require in trace amounts that has been linked to weight loss and increaseing lean muscle mass. And diabetes control btw. However (theres that word again)  a recent review of 24 studies that examined the effects chromium on body mass or composition found no significant benefits. Another study done found some weightloss benefits, but they were so slight that the results were arguable at best and the study was uncontrolled.
So here is what I am gathering. We have a drink that has lots of sweetners and colorers (is that a word) that are all quite natural, but non-beneficial to weight loss. We have some minerals and acids that have positive anti oxidant effects, and as far as that goes you certainly arent hurting anything and in fact are helping some things, but not neccessarily weightloss . The one or two things that have any effective weightloss componentshad further studies done either debunking the theories/studies, or showing some potentially dangerous side effects. Lastly, you will be paying out the nose for this. From the Plexus slim website, here is the summery chart of thier most recent trial.

I was actually thinking that this was pretty positive until i looked at the dates. The final total was after 5 mths. If in 5 mths I only lost 5 or 10 or even 16 lbs i think I would cry...alot. In 30 days I have lost more weight than 75% of these "patients" by what? That's right folks, healthy diet and moderate excercise. I also love the loss of fatty inches many inches, which fatty areas? No specifics, just Yep....they sure did. This chart actual angered me....

So in conclusion, I will not be partaking in the expensive "Pink Drink" because from what I have personally researched, I see absolutely no benefits other than the same ones I can recieve by following Canada 's Food Guide and excercising 30 min a day at least 3 (i do 5) times a week and a glass of green tea and some lemon water. And seriously, I think my liver has taken enough damage, i don't think i should be beating on it any more. Don't get me wrong my friends, if it works for you, then by all means go for it. Just don't expect any miracle results, realize that this is a temporary assistance and if you don't change your habits, you will gain it all back again anyway, and consult your doctor. Some of these ingredients interfere with some prescription drugs. Thanks for your time and hopefully Plexus Slim doesn't sue me. Also I would love any comments, good or bad about your experience with it. Let me know if it worked, how it worked, if it sucked, and how it sucked. It's great to have comparrisons out there.

Monday, April 2, 2012

PMS plus rejection = major lack of self control

It knew I would be waited, bidding its time
Forgive me blog readers for I have sinned. It has been a few days since my last confession (post) and i have not been a good girl. It all started on Friday with my  girls night out. I avoided the wine and instead bought lo calorie coolers (ps i didn't realize that 100 calories meant low cal....i shoulda just stuck with the damn wine) and was a really good girl for the whole day....and in my defense i did some MAJOR dancing for about 2 hours straight....sweat buckets more than I did with any of my workouts. However, once out and about I OVER indulged on the drinks (vodka and cranberry, while sounding like the lesser of the evils and the healthier choice is soooooo not btw. However with the ammt I consumed I should be bladder infection free for some time.) Also, once I got home I found a block of cheese and some Melba toast.....i am so ashamed.

And the insanity didn`t stop there. The following evening my inhibitions again took a back seat when it was cuddle movie night with just me and the kids. The alcohol was absent (obviously, give me a little credit) but the chips and popcorn were ever so present....i couldn't say no.....they were right there, taunting me, saying `` Jessica, you know you want us....look at us, we are so delicious, mix us with the popcorn for a new delicious taste sensation``....damn you to hell sweet chili heat Doritos, damn you to hell.

Like this but with less fur

And finally, last night. Man I was so mad at myself for the junky weekend that I was super good, calorie counting like a mofo, all on track to exercise...then I got called into work early....and then I got the bad news. I had auditioned for dinner theatre and was pretty pumped until I checked my fbook and saw the message from the director....``you were great but we don`t have a spot for you....wish we did....come back in September``......le sob. Did I mention I am pmsing? So that was that, I requested my husband prepare a bath and a bottle of wine for me when i arrived home from work. I got there, ate a delicious stir fry at 930 at night, drank half a bottle of wine and went to bed licking my wounded ego all the way.

So that's my confession guys. Feel free to offer me up some sort of penance...but go easy on me....I'm still fragile.
This is what popped up when you google penance....don't make me do that